5-Signs You Are Holding on to the Past for Dear Life

You did it.  You took the first step and left him behind and I want to congratulate you for the courageous step you took when you left your toxic, emotionally abusive partner.

It was a bad relationship and you were consistently criticized, bullied, ridiculed, and abandoned. You decided that it was time to say goodbye to the person and walk out the door.  You decided you want and deserve a better life. 

But there's a problem that's standing in your way of a your new, life and happiness:  You are holding on to your Past for Dear Life.

5-Signs that You are Guilty of Holding On:

1. You won't stop talking about it.  The incident I mean.  You want to tell everyone who will listen and even those who don't want to but are stuck! 
2. You fully embrace your victim label.  You hold onto your story and keep telling it so you can rationalize your "victimness" and hang on to it for dear life.
3. You haven't moved forward.  Not one little step.  You can only be a validated victim if you stay right where you are.
4. You haven't set any new goals.  No new action steps to change your life.  You haven't set a dream or rekindled a passion.  Nothing.  Just stuck.
5. You are losing friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances.  People are jumping ship.

When you leave a toxic, painful relationship, you leave with scars on your heart but you also leave with your Free Will to Create a Life You Love.  But in order to embrace your new happiness and heal your scars, you have to leave your story in the past. You have to let go of your victim; she's holding you back.

The most common reason for hanging on for dear life is familiarity.  It is a familiar place to be.  You are a victim and there is safety in that label.  If you hang on to your story and your hurt then no one else can get in and do it again. 

It's scary to let go of something familiar and let yourself fall freely into your new chapter.  But it is the best and only thing to do when you want to embrace and love yourself unconditionally.

While you're holding on to your "victim", you are closing off a space for your victor to flourish. Victors love themselves unconditionally.  They recognize that they have taken big, bold, courageous steps to freedom and they celebrate their tenacity.  Victors thrive and create a life that has meaning to them. They wake up in the morning ready for their next adventure.  They are fully and completely alive.

Victors know what they want, what is acceptable and how they will achieve their goals.

Your Victor Blossoms When You Release Your Victim

I cannot express to you the joy and the fun you will have in your life when you decide to let your victim go! There is no future in holding on!

I know it's scary but you are worth the plunge.  Once you let the victim go, you will begin to see all the possibilities that are available to you.  And your hands and heart will be open to grabbing on to them. 

You're amazing and you're on your way to a fantastic life built by you, for you.

___________________

Are You Ready to Thrive: Live Life Fearlessly?

Download the 5-Steps to Transform from Victim to Victor Workbook:  

Get It Now!

I help women discover the big, bold, blissful lives they deserve! Ready to reclaim your future and start thriving? Book your free Discovery Session now!

5-Steps to Transform from Victim to Victor

You made a courageous, big, bold decision to leave a toxic relationship and I want to congratulate you for your tenaciousness!

It takes a lot of determination and sometimes a leap of faith to finally say: "That's it, I've had enough. I'm outta here!"

Because of your fabulous decision to ditch your tormentor, you are no longer experiencing that person's daily verbal and emotional assaults. You have stepped into your Freedom and now you have two paths to choose from:

1)  The Path of the Victim:

Wallowing in self-pity, victim, sufferer, depressed, unhappy, blaming, complaining, hopeless

Falling down as victim, wallowing in self-pity,or being a sufferer reverses your big, bold, step.  Once you accept a victim-mentality you spend your precious time looking for someone to blame or complaining in general.

It is a no-win model! There is no value in continuing to focus on the whys, maybes, and what ifs. It is not a healing model.  It’s a model that keeps your tied to your toxic relationship and living in the past.

2) The Path of the Victor:

Survivor, Thriver, Victor, Courageous, Confident, Inspired, Happy, Grateful, Hopeful

Choose the Path of the Victor!

Stepping into life as a Victor and the Creator of Your Own Destiny is empowering, enriching, and lifesaving.  When you're the Victor, you see each step you take in your healing journey as progress. You don't look back or want to find explanations for the past.  You want to experience your life, your way, in the present moment while creating your amazing future.

Life is short.  Sometimes it can be cut even shorter.  When you emerge as a Victor ready to take on the challenge of claiming responsibility for your life and your actions, you don't waste precious time rehashing the past looking for answers because you're way too busy having fun, setting goals, and seeing your future as an adventure of your making.

The victor is not afraid to fail, or feel uncomfortable by the effort required to work hard and succeed.

5-Steps to Transform From Victim to Victor

Step One - Gratitude, Gratitude and More Gratitude

There is always something to be grateful for.  The smallest of things bring me the greatest gratitude. When you are “stuck” or feeling down, gratitude will provide the way out.  Gratitude puts situations into perspective. When we can see the good as well as the bad, it becomes more difficult to complain and stay stuck.  Gratitude focuses our attention on what we have.

Step Two - Let it Go!

What can I release? Let go of?  I bet you're holding on to all kinds of negative junk.  The junk you're holding on to is cluttering your mind and your path forward.  Yeah, that's the truth! The things you hold on to, bear grudges or perhaps feel angry and hurt about cloud your mind and prevent you from being the best you can be.

Step Three - Building Your Relationship with Authentic You

The authentic self is the real, genuine you. It is the you that is buried deep and is the very core of your being. The authentic self is a culmination of all things that are you – knowledge, talents, skills, attitude, and perspective. It isn’t defined by your placement in a family unit or career. 

Finding the truth about who you really are and what is important to you takes honesty, awareness, and some time. 

Step Four - Get in Front of Your Challenges

It is so easy to get stopped dead in your tracks when you start to think about all the challenges in your path.  In fact, when you overthink your “to do” list, you could give up on your journey and I don’t want you to do that!

Challenges are everywhere in your life.  It’s not the challenge that will keep you stuck, it’s how you handle it.  And the best way to handle challenges is to get out in front of them.

Step Five - Embrace Your Possibilities

One of the most powerful tools anyone can use on a daily basis is Positive Affirmations. Every time you write or say your affirmation, you are reinforcing your new positive belief and overwriting your old negative one.

You're Ready to Thrive: Live Life Fearlessly

Download the 5-Steps to Transform from Victim to Victor Workbook:  

Get It Now!

I help women discover the big, bold, blissful lives they deserve! Ready to reclaim your future and start thriving? Book your free Discovery Session now!

Victim or Victor? Which One Will You Choose?

Choose Wisely.  There is a tremendous amount of Power in One Word.

When my toxic-violent relationship ended, I was thrust into the "victim" services mentality which is, unfortunately, the prevalent and preferred way of handling survivors of abuse.

Being labelled a Victim almost killed me.  Being a Victim almost robbed me of the amazing life I have created for myself.  I would have loved to have known the power of being a Victor.  My journey would have been shorter and less self-destructive.

You are only a victim while it's happening.  Victimness is fleeting. Let yourself be a victim for too long and you will rob yourself of a big, bold, ballsy life.

Stepping away from someone who is abusing you is a courageous and "victorious" act. You are now a Victor. You are free of your tormentor, you a strong, worthwhile woman who is capable of achieving anything you set your mind to.

After all, you just walked away from your abuser.  Nothing shouts Victor louder than that!

Claiming your Victor status, immediately puts the incident in the past where it belongs and keeps you moving forward.


Mindset Shifting From Victim to Victor

Victim - I can't believe that happened to me.  I wish I knew why then I might be able to fix what's wrong with me

Victor - It happened, it felt like shit and I left.  I am capable of putting me first and I'm worth it

Victim - I wonder what other people think about me. They probably see me as weak and going nowhere in my life

Victor - I had the courage to leave my abuser.  That makes me a self-confident and amazing woman. I think I'm fabulous and only what I think about myself matters.

Victim - I thought my relationship was forever.  I found the love of my life and now I'm lonely, sad and angry.  Why?  I will never find love.

Victor - I will look forward and heal my relationship with myself.  I will love me and all my imperfections.  Then, and only then, I will be able to invite a partner to share my life if I choose to!


The healing power of shifting your mindset to Victor is extremely powerful and will push you and keep you moving forward.

When you are a Victor, your life is full of limitless opportunities and possibilities

Be Better     Be Confident      Be Bold     Be Ballsy     Be Happy

You Did It!        You Are a Victor!

Move Forward Toward Your Dreams and Keep Going Until You Reach Them

I help women discover the big, bold, ballsy lives they deserve!  Ready to reclaim your future and start thriving?  Book your Free Discovery Session Now!

Tuesday Truth or Dare: It's a Doing Thing

Truth:  How many times have you said "I wish ......"?   I wish I could travel more.  I wish I had a better job, more money, self-confidence, my own business, and so on.

Some wishes are about feelings or fears.  I wish I was braver, empathetic, happier, less anxious.

Wishing doesn't make it so.  Wishing won't make it happen.  If you want to travel, then you have to change your wishing to doing.

Turn your wish into a goal and then DO the steps to achieve it!

Dare:  A wish is a dream without any goals.  It will remain a wish until you put in steps to do it.  

Think of one thing that you really wish to do - travel, move, be an entrepreneur, singer, actor, writer, artist, go back to school.  Write it down.  Set the date you will DO IT!

Look at the date and start writing your steps.  Your first step will be small and create the foundation.  Move forward. Set a goal. Make a plan, then move forward. The steps may be small, but move forward. That's the only way the dream becomes a reality. Move forward. 

Each step will build until your wish becomes your do.

When you finish one of your steps, celebrate!  You are one step closer to achieving your dream.  You are gonna DO IT!

7 day Challenge: 

Wake Up and Smile!

Write down one wish: I wish I could travel to Paris

Set the date you will be in Paris

Write out the steps to get you there

Celebrate each successful step you take

Have Fun In Paris 

 

Celebrate your ballsy spirit!

Make it a Great |Day!

Want to Kick Your Life Beyond Surviving into Thriving?

You Can't Thrive Until You Define What it Means to You! 

You Need to Define What Your Life Would Look Like When You're Thriving.  You Need to Make it Juicy!

Define It:  What Does Thrive Mean to You?

Happiness, success, fulfillment, and thriving are all emotional states that we strive to achieve.  But we make one huge critical error = we never define exactly what it means.

I hear clients say - I want to be happy!  Well, what does that mean to you?  I want to be successful!  What does that mean to you? And so on.

I want you to define what it means to be thriving.

The definition is personal.  It belongs to you and you only.  Once you have your personal Thrive meaning, no one can take it away from you.

You will become laser focused on making it happen.

Thrive = to progress toward or realize a goal despite or because of circumstances 

Get specific and write down what "thriving" will look like in these areas of your life:

• Career, Work and Business
• Health and Well-being
• Friendships
• Relationships 
• Spiritual
• Community
• Finances

Feel free to add or delete areas + make them personally reflect your current life situation.

Include details, lots of luscious details in your definition:

What will you feel?  What will you see?  hear? Smell?  Taste? 

Can you see the difference between these two definitions?

1. When I'm thriving I will own a 4,000 square foot house = boring!

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2. When I'm thriving I will own a home that has a beautiful open foyer with a large crystal chandelier shining brightly from the centre of the ceiling.  As I walk to the kitchen, I will smell yummy chocolate chip cookies baking and hear the faint sound of Queen on the radio.  I love Queen.  My new home will be filled with love, vibrant happy colours and the sound of music and laughter.

Definition #2 = Amazing!!  Now you want to achieve owning that house.  It speaks to you and you only.  It represents thriving to you. It's your home, your vision and no one can take something so vibrant away from you.

Your Kick Ass I'm Going to Thrive Challenge:

1. Get your pen and paper and start writing your "thrive" definition for any and all areas of your life that you choose.
2. Make your definition personal.  Thriving is all about your individual happiness and how you choose to define it.
3. Make it so vibrant that when you read your definition, you're smiling the whole time!  Yup, you're smiling because it's happening.
4. Focus on the amazing image and set out to make it happen.  You can do it.  Step into the magic zone and out of your comfort zone. 

Choose to Thrive: Live Life Fearlessly

DISCOVERY SESSION  Contact me for a no-obligation session where we will get to know each other – click Book Now for my online scheduling calendar to find a suitable day and time.  The 30 minute Discovery Session is Free.  Invest the time to book the call - you’re worth it! 

A Big, Bold, Blissful Life Begins with I Am, I Can and I Will

Add Positive Power Statements to Your Daily Routine

Positive Power Statements boost your confidence which is the building block of your success and your ability to focus squarely on what you want to achieve, do, and be in your life.

Positive Power Statements put you in the driver's seat of your life!  They build your confidence + feed your desires and that equals you living a big, bold, ballsy life that you have designed just for you.

Not having self-confidence impacts every aspect of your life: 

• How you react to negative people 
• Whether or not you change careers
• Go back to school
• Leave a negative relationship
• Stand up for your authenticity and joy and happiness
• Actively participate in events, sports and with friends

Your self-confidence is your foundation and you build your life, success, happiness and pure joy on it.  If your foundation has weak spots, your ability to let go, chase your dreams and find pure joy in living, is significantly diminished!

To begin repairing your foundation, add these empowering statements to your daily routine:

Every day, twice a day, write Positive Power Statements that begin with:

I am, I Can, and I Will.  

I recommend doing this in the morning and just before bed. 

These may seem like very simple statements but their impact on your confidence will be complex. Your life and all the amazing opportunities that are waiting, will bloom and you will wake up excited to create your day.

While you are writing your Positive Power Statements, you are discovering all the great things about you.  And that will change your view of you and your life.  Start today and notice the shift.

Here are mine from this morning:

I Am Grateful for the Abundance in my Life

I Can Achieve my Goals  

I Will Live in Italy

Jump into the Facebook Group and share your Positive Power Statements.

Choose to make it a Great Day!

________________________________________________

DISCOVERY SESSION  Contact me for a no-obligation session where we will get to know each other – click Book Now for my online scheduling calendar to find a suitable day and time.  The 30 minute Discovery Session is Free.  Invest the time to book the call - you’re worth it! 

Tuesday Truth or Dare: It's a Gossip Thing

Truth:  She is such a bitch!  Look at her outfit can you imagine wearing that!?  My boss is a nasty cheating jerk!  Did you see the way she treated so and so?  She's pregnant again!  How can they afford another child?!

It's all gossip, rumour, innuendo, judgement and it's TOXIC!  

Gossiping is toxic to your personal wellbeing and mood.  Gossip causes stress, guilt, uncertainty, anxiety and distrust.  these are not good feelings to have for your day!  

Participating in gossip has negative consequences for your emotional, mental and physical health.  Bet you thought it was harmless!

Dare:  Consciously decide that you will not participate in any form of gossip.  You won't start the gossip.  You won't listen to gossip.  You won't engage with gossip.  You will remove yourself from gossipy situations.  

Remember:  When you're gossiping about someone, someone else is gossiping about you!

You will begin a Healthy Gossip-Free Lifestyle!

7 day Challenge: 

Wake Up and Smile!

I Declare Myself Gossip Free!

Make it a Great |Day!