3 Bold Steps to Kick-Start Healing After a Toxic Relationship

When I first left my abuser, I was obsessed and I mean obsessed, with finding the reason why he did what he did.  I had rationalized that if I discovered what was wrong with him, I could move on and get started on living my life again.

I spent a great deal of my life analyzing his behaviour and developing varied and compelling diagnoses.  With every diagnosis, I had lists of supporting evidence.  

I had all sorts of them:  Narcissist, Middle Child Syndrome, Toxic Parents, Anger Management, Alcohol Abuse, and so on 

But every diagnosis, only offered fleeting happiness.  I would celebrate what I thought was the perfect reason only to realize that it did not heal my hurt or my heart or my life.  I continued to feel hurt and lonely and lost.

It wasn't until I realized that not one of the "labels" that I was giving him was going to change a damn thing.  It really didn't matter if he was a narcissist or had nasty parents.  The bottom line: He was a fu*king class A dick. Period.

He hurt me because he could and because he wanted to.  

No fancy labels needed!

Once I stopped analyzing him, I was able to focus on me, my life, and my healing.  That moment was the beginning of my Healing Journey.  It was the moment I stepped into being a Victor!

I focused on these 3 Bold Steps:

Step One: Acceptance

This is a big, healing step.  It's time to own that it happened.  It just happened.  It was awful and painful and hurtful but it represents something that happened in your life that will ultimately shape you and create a better version of you.

Hot Tip: Give it a Name.  I call my period of abuse "The Incident".  When I speak with people, I can simply state when The Incident happened or after The Incident.  A generic name immediately diminishes any power your past has over your present and future.

Step Two: Looking Inward

Now you have time to take a close look at what you want and need in your life.  Take the time to really dive deep into your feelings and values:  What makes you smile.  What makes you feel happy. Where do you see yourself in one-year.  Two-years.  What do need in a partner.  What are your values - honesty, freedom, spirituality, humour, intelligence and so on.

Hot Tip: Dive Deep & Take Your Time.  What you value in life and what is acceptable and not acceptable is so very important to your future peace and happiness.  Take all the time you need to dive deep into your needs and wants.  Review.  Revise.  Release the ones that don't feel good.  

Step Three: Putting Me First

You are the most valuable player in your life.  Your well being, needs, wants, desires and passions come first.  Push back - but what about so-and-so, or my kids, or my job?  Yes, they are important but if you do not put yourself first, your mental, physical, and emotional health will quickly deteriorate and you will be of little value to anyone including yourself!

Hot Tip:  Do One Thing Every Day That is Just for You.  One thing is all that is needed.  It can be for five minutes, one-hour, or an entire evening.  That's your choice each day.  Have a quiet tea or coffee without interruption.  Read a chapter.  Chat on the phone with a happy friend.  Be creative.  Take a walk.  Go skating.  

One Simple Pleasure per Day will Improve Your Mood, Your Health, and Your Relationships!

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Download the 5-Steps to Transform from Victim to Victor Workbook:  

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I help women discover the big, bold, blissful lives they deserve! Ready to reclaim your future and start thriving? Book your free Discovery Session now!

FREE Webinar: 5 Steps to Transform from Victim to Victor

Life is too Short to Let Victim Define You

Your story is so much more than what "happened" to you.  

I got all caught up in my victim story.  It was comfortable there.  I could talk about it.  I could let it comfort me.  I could let it determine how I acted. My life made sense.

I hung onto my story because I was afraid to let it go.  Letting it go felt like I would fall into a dark abyss filled with nothing and no-one. I was terrified of the emptiness that I thought would be the result of letting my story go.

When I did decide to let that story go and let go of the past hurts, I walked into my greatest story. One that keeps growing and improving.   I realized that my story had taught me so much about what I wanted in my life.  What was acceptable and who I would embrace on my new journey. Consciously deciding to let my past go, was the most terrifying and rewarding experience rolled together! I am so happy I stepped out of my past, healed and stepped into my brilliant present. I want to share my 5-Steps to Transform from Victim to Victor I'm hosting a Free Webinar that will give you the tools to take the leap. In this FREE Webinar, you will discover how to... Let Go of Your Fear Boldly Change Your Story Create Big Authentic Changes Embrace your Victor Life is too Short to Let Victim Define You Thursday, 29 October 2015, at 08:00 pm EST; 09:00 AST Click Here to Register See you on Thursday, Susan xo PS: Please share with your friends and colleagues. Click the social share buttons and let others know about this life-changing Free Webinar!

5-Signs You Are Holding on to the Past for Dear Life

You did it.  You took the first step and left him behind and I want to congratulate you for the courageous step you took when you left your toxic, emotionally abusive partner.

It was a bad relationship and you were consistently criticized, bullied, ridiculed, and abandoned. You decided that it was time to say goodbye to the person and walk out the door.  You decided you want and deserve a better life. 

But there's a problem that's standing in your way of a your new, life and happiness:  You are holding on to your Past for Dear Life.

5-Signs that You are Guilty of Holding On:

1. You won't stop talking about it.  The incident I mean.  You want to tell everyone who will listen and even those who don't want to but are stuck! 
2. You fully embrace your victim label.  You hold onto your story and keep telling it so you can rationalize your "victimness" and hang on to it for dear life.
3. You haven't moved forward.  Not one little step.  You can only be a validated victim if you stay right where you are.
4. You haven't set any new goals.  No new action steps to change your life.  You haven't set a dream or rekindled a passion.  Nothing.  Just stuck.
5. You are losing friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances.  People are jumping ship.

When you leave a toxic, painful relationship, you leave with scars on your heart but you also leave with your Free Will to Create a Life You Love.  But in order to embrace your new happiness and heal your scars, you have to leave your story in the past. You have to let go of your victim; she's holding you back.

The most common reason for hanging on for dear life is familiarity.  It is a familiar place to be.  You are a victim and there is safety in that label.  If you hang on to your story and your hurt then no one else can get in and do it again. 

It's scary to let go of something familiar and let yourself fall freely into your new chapter.  But it is the best and only thing to do when you want to embrace and love yourself unconditionally.

While you're holding on to your "victim", you are closing off a space for your victor to flourish. Victors love themselves unconditionally.  They recognize that they have taken big, bold, courageous steps to freedom and they celebrate their tenacity.  Victors thrive and create a life that has meaning to them. They wake up in the morning ready for their next adventure.  They are fully and completely alive.

Victors know what they want, what is acceptable and how they will achieve their goals.

Your Victor Blossoms When You Release Your Victim

I cannot express to you the joy and the fun you will have in your life when you decide to let your victim go! There is no future in holding on!

I know it's scary but you are worth the plunge.  Once you let the victim go, you will begin to see all the possibilities that are available to you.  And your hands and heart will be open to grabbing on to them. 

You're amazing and you're on your way to a fantastic life built by you, for you.

___________________

Are You Ready to Thrive: Live Life Fearlessly?

Download the 5-Steps to Transform from Victim to Victor Workbook:  

Get It Now!

I help women discover the big, bold, blissful lives they deserve! Ready to reclaim your future and start thriving? Book your free Discovery Session now!

Blissful Self-Love 5 Day Challenge

I'm so excited to be hosting my Blissful Self-Love Challenge.  All the goodness starts on Monday, October 19th and it's totally Free!

For 5 days, I will send you emails with strategies, tips, and resources to boost your Self-Love, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth and Confidence.

You will Silence Your Inner Critic and Ignite Your Confidence.

Take the Challenge and Learn to Love You Unconditionally!

Join the Challenge

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I help women discover the big, bold, blissful lives they deserve! Ready to reclaim your future and start thriving? Book your free Discovery Session now!

True Gratitude Includes the Ugly Events

It is Thanksgiving in Canada and as we all reflect on what we are grateful for, it's natural to come up with the good ones first - food, family, friends, health, job, etc.

But what about the ugly events in your life that changed you?  Are you grateful you were fired from your job?  Or your lover dumped you? Or ............. fill in the blank?

The ugly ones are the events that make the biggest and most profound changes in our lives.  Yet, they are overlooked when we practice gratitude.

For me, I can look back at the abusive incident my life and I'm grateful for the lessons I learned and in some ways, I'm grateful it happened.

That may sound crazy but it's not.  When that happened and my world fell apart, I had no choice but to rebuild and start over and that's what I'm grateful for because I was forced to look inside for what I wanted in my life.  What felt authentic to me.  What I had left behind that I wanted to reclaim.  How I got sucked into his passions at the expense of my own.

These were life-changing questions and when I dedicated time and energy to answering them in my voice, I discovered who I am and what I wanted in Life.  I found the confidence to move forward into my unstoppable life.

The Ugly Events are the most important moments in our life.  They are the ones that make us pause and think about our own passions and desires.

A little Ugly Events Challenge for Thanksgiving:

• Sit quietly with a cup of tea (or whatever you desire!) and think back to the big, ugly events in your life.
• Write them down and then reflect on what has changed for the better since that day
• Fired but started your own business - gratitude
• Dumped but became clear on what values & attributes your life-partner will have - gratitude
• Dumped but took the time to fall in love with yourself - gratitude
• Totaled the car but got enough insurance money to buy a vintage convertible - gratitude
• For each Ugly Event, write down one significant positive change in your Gratitude Journal
• I am Grateful for the opportunity to start my own business
• Once every month, spend time reflecting on the Ugly Events and writing down one positive change that happened that you are now grateful for

Get Cozy with Your Ugly Events Because They are the Magical Ones

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's My Birthday & I'm Giving Gifts

The month of October is one of my favourites.  The leaves change colour for a spectacular display for our enjoyment.  We get to enjoy all things pumpkin - tea, cheesecake, pies, and muffins.  All Hallows' Eve arrives and little ghosts and goblins arrive to make us smile.  Oh and my favourite - my birthday!

In celebration, I'm giving gifts.  Three to be exact.

1. Daily Greatness Journal - most amazing journal you will ever own - Value $85 US - Draw Date October 13th - Dailygreatness Journal Details
2. Enrollment in Big.Bold.Bliss. Bootcamp - Value $197 US - Big.Bold.Blissful. Bootcamp - Check it Out
3. Blissful Self-Love Session - 45 minutes with Me - Value $150 US

In order to win, you must enter the contest that will be posted individually for each prize. So, let's get started:

Good Luck!

Susan xo