Your Baggage-Free Life Begins with GRACE-ful Steps

Following up on my last post where I told my personal story of moving from Victim to Survivor to Thriver, I want to talk about how I healed and created my Big, Bold, Baggage-Free Life.

My journey from feeling small, worthless and deeply unhappy to an amazing and wonderful life filled with joy, happiness, and endless opportunities, was not smooth or without ups and downs.

But it was so worth it and I highly recommend taking the first step: Gratitude, Gratitude and More Gratitude

A friend introduced to me to the idea of keeping a Gratitude Journal and I remember thinking at the time "what a ridiculous idea!"  What on earth did I have to be grateful for?

She gently asked me to just do it for a week and if it's not adding positive value to your life, then stop.

The first day I opened my journal I sat and stared at the blank page and sighed.  My mind was blank and then it occurred to me that I had spoken with my baby girl that day and for that I was grateful!

That was my first entry and 20 years later, I am a faithful keeper of a Gratitude Journal!  It starts my day and ends my day.

Gratitude began my healing journey.  It opened my mind and my heart to what I had and all the amazing possibilities that were waiting for me.

Practicing Gratitude every day saved me from becoming a bitter, angry, lonely, depressed old hag and for that I am truly grateful.

Gratitude helped me begin the important process of Letting Go.  
Releasing all of my negative labels and emotions and putting my past in the past where it belonged.

There are 5-Steps in my GRACE-ful steps program:

Gratitude - What am I Grateful For?
Release (Letting Go) - What Can I Release (Let Go)?
Authentic You - How Can I be Authentically Me?
Challenge - What is my Next Challenge?
Embrace - What Can I Embrace as Possible?

I'll explore more about Release in my next post and continue the journey through all the steps.

Your life is so much more than the pain, anxiety, and despair you're feeling.  You can have a big, bold, baggage-free life.

It's waiting for you on the other side of the pain. All it takes to get there is one step at a time.  You can do this and you'll be glad you did.

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Do This Daily for Maximum Impact

Each and every day gives you a new opportunity to make a positive change in your life.

It's impossible to live a positive baggage-free life when you are stuck in your negative mindset. 

Change your attitude and you'll change your life for the better.  Your mental, physical and spiritual health will improve dramatically.  Let's get positive!

Start with your attitude shifting goal.   Start your goal with "I Want"

• to live with less stress
• to have more "me" time
• to let go of my junk filled past
• to improve my relationships

Write it down and give it a due date.  A comfortable due date works best.

Look at your goal and imagine yourself living it.  Are you happier?  Are you less stressed?  Have you added personal space and time?

What changes can you make every day to achieve your goal?

Write them down.  Are they doable?  You want your changes to be small bite-sized pieces.

Commit to one small daily positive change.  It can be as simple as

I will smile and say Good Morning to the coffee shop clerk or the bus driver or the office receptionist or people I pass on the street

  

I will commit to adding meditation to my day.  

I will work on my letting it go skills!

I will take the time each day to count my blessings 

I will............

Do it every day for one week. You will notice that your small change is now just a natural part of your day and you'll smile because you did it.

Now you can add a new positive change and keep building and growing.  Small and steady wins the race.

Wake Up   *   Smile   *   Make a Positive Change   *  Repeat

P.S. - My new website and jam-packed coaching programs will be launching soon.  Sign up for my Newsletter  (old dreary website) and get all the amazing details about my Free Monthly Group Coaching Calls.  Next Call is February 18th.

About Susan Ball:  Susan inspires her clients to live the life of their dreams with passion, joy, and love. Susan is an experienced international Life Coach helping people discover and live their ideal life through NLP, Mindfulness, and G.R.A.C.E.

Learn more about Susan by visiting her Online, on Facebook

Creating Positive Change Means Breaking Up With Your Daily Routine

Every day, I work with coaching clients who say all the right things and then do the exact opposite.  They hope to experience growth, but they resist change.  They want less stress, yet they indulge in drama.  They long for better relationships, and then they refuse to trust anyone.

In other words, what they say they want and what they do with their time are disconnected.  It’s important to note, though, that I get it.  I understand where my clients are coming from.

I used to make the same mistakes.  Change is hard to deal with.  Needless drama can be addictive.  Relationships take a lot of work.  I’m sure you can relate.

In a nutshell, we're stuck in the same familiar patterns and comfortable routines.

Wake Up - Repeat!

Think about it.  We ultimately become what we repeatedly do. It's breaking the pattern and changing your routine that will cause the positive changes you're seeking in your life.

To Break Away, Add these Changes to Your Daily Routine and Your New Pattern Will Be:

Wake Up - Smile - Make a Positive Change - Repeat 

Exercise your Integrity.

Living with integrity means:  Not settling for less than what you are capable of.  Communicating clearly and asking for what you want and need from people.  Speaking your truth, even when others judge you for it.  Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your morals and values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.  

Steer clear of drama and those who create it.

There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the needless drama and the people who create it.  Staying out of other people’s drama is an incredibly effective way to stress less and smile more.

Let It Go!  Let Them Go!

Be positive and spend time with positive people.

Happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them.  Raise your awareness to your own inner strength and positivity.  You are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life.  You can either give negativity power over your life, or you can choose to be positive instead by focusing on the great things that are truly important.  So talk about your blessings more than you talk about your problems.  Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing.  

Be You. 

Too many of us prefer gentle lies to hard truths.  But make no mistake, in the end it’s better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie.  

Don’t try to be what “they” like – be who you are.  The people worth spending time with will be genuinely interested in spending time with you - warts and all.  And that works out well, because you won’t be happy being anyone else.

Remove Your Labels.

“Human” is the only real label we are born with.  Yet we forget so easily.

To become attached to a negative label like depressed, divorced, diseased, rejected, or poor, you believe that's who you are and how you are defined.  These are negative labels.

Switch them to Positive Labels - Label Yourself capable, confident, worthy, loveable  valuable, happy, grateful - keep going, you're doing great!

Ask yourself the right questions.

What questions are you asking yourself?  Are they helping you better understand your purpose?  Or do they have your mind spinning in circles?

Questions act as guideposts and they have a powerful influence on the direction of your life.   The questions you hear most often come directly from YOU.  So instead of looking outside yourself for answers, start asking yourself the right questions.  For instance…

• “Who am I?”
• “What do I want?”
• “What are my labels?”
• “What do I want to give?”
• “What’s the next step I can take right now?”

It’s all about self-inquiry.  That's how you will stay true to your principles, pursue your desires, grow through adversity, and add value to the world around you.

Notice the changes that have happened and celebrate each success.  At the end of the day, write your personal "I Did It" list.  You will be amazed at how successful you are and you will see how small changes are positively worth it.

About Susan Ball:  Susan inspires her clients to live the life of their dreams with passion, joy, and love. Susan is an experienced international Life Coach helping people discover and live their ideal life through NLP, Mindfulness, and G.R.A.C.E.

Learn more about Susan by visiting her Online, on Facebook

How to Avoid Being Mr. or Mrs. Grumpy Pants

Today, I was host to Mr. Grumpy Pants who happens to be my husband.   He's a truck driver so he spends 4-days away from home driving around the Maritime provinces.

He had a particularly bad week on the road this time and he brought it home with him and infused our home with his negative mood.  How selfish of him to bring the "past" into the "present" in such a negative, grumpy, ugly way!

We all experience something negative during any given day.  It's what we choose to do with that negative experience that matters.  My husband's negative experience happened a full 2-days before he even got home!  Talk about dragging Marley's chains around with you.  I could smell his festering brain.

When you bring your bad mood, lousy experience, and  negative energy home, you contaminate your home and all the people and pets that live there.  Suddenly, the feelings and mood go from enjoying the moment to misery or arguing or resentment.

So what do you do if you have had a bad experience that lasted a few minutes and you want to remove the negative energy and feelings before it ruins your whole day?

Stop Reacting to the Stupid Stuff - Seriously!

The babysitter is 5-minutes late and so, you're going to be a grouch for the rest of the day and into the evening and maybe the next morning because you're anticipating she might be late again!!  You get cut-off while you're driving, oh my!  As events go, these are small, irrelevant, and inconsequential and you get to make the choice about how you're going to let them effect you.  Are you going to carry them with you and let them snowball into a huge, ugly mass of anger and resentment?  Or could you look at each individual event when it happens and simply look at it as a small mistake, a funny moment and then keep moving on with your great day?  To start feeling greater happiness and contentment, start by stopping to let the little things grow up to be huge and ugly.

Drop Your Irritation and Anger

When you find yourself feeling angry at someone or something.

Stop, Take a Deep Breath, then Let It Go!  

Just let it go. 

It isn't worth ruining your day, someone you love's day, your health and your general well-being.

Roll On - Your Life is Happening Now

It happened, it's over, move forward.  Living in the present moment, living life to the fullest is about moving forward.  Roll On!

Choose to Make it A Great Day!

Where do You Live Everyday?

In the Past?  In the Future?  In the Present?

There is a famous quote that I love to share simply because it is the most valuable lesson you will teach yourself.

If you are feeling depressed, think very carefully about where you're living.  Are you mulling over the past?  Going over situations that occurred yesterday, a decade ago, last week?  Are you focused on how you were mistreated in some past relationship? Or some other "thing", "person", or "situation" that happened oh so long ago?

Be honest with yourself and really sit down and think about what you're thinking about.

Change happens when you realize that it's time to clear the clutter and release the dusty old things and make room for fresh new things.

Feeling sorry for yourself, angry toward others, guilty, or ashamed for getting the short end of the stick in the past will only continue to keep you from achieving happiness in the present and future.

How to clear the dusty clutter of the past:

The Past Isn't Going to Get Any Better:  That's right.  Recognize that you can't go back and change, fix, improve, or otherwise manage your past.  It's Over...It's Done and no amount of holding on to it, focusing on it, crying over it will change it.

Learn From the Past:  Look at your past and ask yourself - What Did I Learn?  How Do I Want To Apply The Lesson to My Present and Future?

Let It Go:  Hanging onto the past with angry and resentment and hurt feelings will do absolutely nothing to improve your present.  You are simply carrying a heavy ball and chain around your ankle everywhere you go.  Do you want to drag the chains of the past with you?

Choose Forgiveness:  Forgiveness is a conscious choice.  Forgive yourself and forgive those who have wronged you.  Forgiveness frees you to live your life, pursue your dreams, look forward with joy to the future, and enjoy every moment of the present!

It's easier to forgive others when you practice forgiving yourself.

As you reflect on your life, what could you forgive yourself for? 

When you have clarity on something that could be forgiven, say to yourself: 

I forgive myself for ________________     Then let it go. 

Next Post:  Living in the Future....Til next time Listen, Recognize, Learn and Forgive

Forgiveness Objections

actice Forgiveness

Forgiving others is difficult, especially if they are the cause of a great hurt in your life. Yet not forgiving costs you so much. Living with anger, blame, resentment and other negative feelings robs you of joy and peace of mind.

Forgiveness is defined as "ceasing to resent"

Forgiveness Objections:

1. "The other person doesn't deserve forgiveness." Perhaps not. But forgiveness is not for him, it's for you. Forgiveness is so that you don't have to continue to be burdened by angry feelings, preoccupied with obsessive thoughts about revenge, etc.

2. "I need to get even first." What would getting even do for you? Often people say that they feel personally diminished by the harm that was done to them, and that getting even would help them feel powerful and good about themselves again. I want you to feel powerful and good about yourself, and I'd like to offer you other ways of doing this. When you forgive, you to learn how to cope effectively with possible repetitions of this kind of behaviour, so that you feel safe and strong in knowing what you can do to prevent a recurrence.

3. "Anger makes me feel powerful; I don't want to give it up." Yes, there is a certain feeling of power in feeling angry, in being courageous and willing to stand up for yourself and your values. But you remain preoccupied with thoughts of the person who harmed you. Forgiveness will offer you more choices, so that you can be the one in control of your feelings and behaviour, and stand up for yourself even more powerfully.

4. "I refuse to forgive and forget." I agree with you completely. I don't want you to forgive and forget. If you forgot, then you'd be completely vulnerable to a repetition of the harm that was done to you. I want you to forgive and remember. I want you to remember so that you are protected against possible recurrences, and to remember in a way that provides you with feelings of strength, choice, and resourcefulness, instead of being simply provoked into anger.

One ex-prisoner of war asked another, "Have you forgiven your captors yet?" The second one replied, "NO, NEVER!" And the other one turned and said, "Then it seems like they still have you in prison, don't they?"

Remember, forgiveness is a gift to yourself.

"Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head" -Anne Landers



Do any of these "objections" sound familiar? Realize that when you are holding onto resentment, anger, and hate, you have less room to let in kindness, happiness, and love. 

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Practice Forgiveness

Forgiveness may not be your usual reaction when you make a mistake. How often are you your own worst critic - judging yourself unreasonably and beating yourself up when things go wrong? 

When you make a mistake, learn from it,

 forgive yourself, and move on.

Forgiving others is difficult, especially if they are the cause of a great hurt in your life. Yet not forgiving costs you so much when living with anger, blame, resentment and other negative feelings. They rob you of joy and peace of mind.

Forgiveness is defined as "ceasing to resent".

Forgiveness is an act of will. You can choose to forgive even if you don't feel like it. The act of forgiveness is the first step. The feeling may come later but by then it's less important as you have already moved on with your life.

If someone hurts you or takes advantage of you, do what you need to do to handle the situation, and take the necessary action to prevent it happening again. Then, forgive them and move on.

Self-Care Exercise

“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head” - Anne Landers

Forgiving yourself or another person for a past misdeed does not imply that you have forgotten what happened.  It simply means you have chosen to move forward with your life and live free of resentment, quilt or angst.

Forgiveness frees us to live our lives, pursue our dreams, look forward with joy to the future, and enjoy every moment of the present!

It's easier to forgive others when you practice forgiving yourself.

As you reflect on your life, what could you forgive yourself for?

When you have clarity on something that could be forgiven, say to yourself:

I forgive myself for ________________     Then let it go.

Is there someone you need to forgive? Say to yourself:

I choose to forgive ______________(name) and I forgive him/her for __________    Then let it go.

Notice the positive change in your feelings and emotions and outlook as you adopt forgiveness.

     Remember, forgiveness is a gift to yourself.