F.L.Y.

First Love Yourself!

You are the most important person in your life.  Think about - who's the only one guaranteed to be with you from the beginning to the end?

It's February the month of Love and I haven't seen any cards that say:  "To Me, I Love You!!"  "Hey You, You're Fabulous, Love Me xox" 

Wouldn't it be great if we made our own "I Love You" cards.  It could be done once a year or every month or every day.  You would use all your amazing creative talent and write your own love letter to yourself  and then take pride in your accomplishment. 

I wanted to add a note of levity to what is in fact a sometimes difficult journey - the path to loving and appreciating you for you will be bumpy and steep and so worth it when you reach your destination.

Follow these Simple Daily Practices to Begin Your Journey

Forgive yourself for past misdeeds.  There is no way to go back and change what you did or what you said.  Carrying it around like a ball and chain is a waste of valuable "you in the present moment" time.

Do Something Every Single Day that Makes YOU Feel Good!

Each Day, throughout the day, say to yourself silently or out loud:

"I love and accept myself exactly as I am."

When you hear critical self-talk and thoughts, silently shout "STOP" and then replace them with words of appreciation for yourself.

Use "I Am", "I Can" and "I Will" to describe yourself, your actions and your dreams.

Practice laughing at you when you make a mistake!

Click Self-Care Resources for more helpful exercises and tips!

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Welcome to winter in Canada.  We are experiencing a blast of arctic air that is set to stay with us for the next 10 days!  I may be proudly Canadian but these cold blasts can be miserable!

That being said, the cold snap got me thinking about my goals for the future.  Oh, I have several and I'm a firm believer in setting goals for your life, career, business, relationships and health.  Small goals that are easy to achieve and celebrate are my favourites.  Each day I celebrate a goal that I successfully completed.

Larger goals are wonderful but if you forget to create an action plan to achieve your big dream type goal you will begin to feel discouraged.  This may lead to giving up on your dreamy goal.

Today, I was looking out my picture window and I started to daydream and a new dreamy goal came to my mind.  My new goal - Every Winter I Will Spend a Minimum of 3-Weeks in a Hot, Hot, Tropical Climate.  Fabulous goal and I want it to be successful so I set about creating an action plan.  I will be in Costa Rica or other tropical paradise from January 22, 2014 to February 15, 2014....period.

My action plan created the steps I want to take to make my goal a reality.  First, finances - how much will I want?  I divided that amount by 52.  So much easier to look at dollar values when they are small and it makes it doable!

Second, what do I want to change in my business to ensure the extra funds are available.  I set about writing action steps to increase my income.

Third, hubby.  Okay, he pretty much loves whatever I plan so I'm good there.

Done!!  I set a goal and developed the action steps to make it a reality.  As a bonus, I created new and fantastic action steps to grow my business.

The benefits of Goal Setting and Creating an Action Plan are enormous.

So, get out your pen and paper, start daydreaming, jot down notes.  Dream big and choose one to make a reality.  You will have a new sense of accomplishment, confidence and an event in your future to look forward to.  How great is that!

Turn Resolutions to Accomplishments

New Year's "Accomplishments"

Oh, those pesky New Year's Resolutions, restrictive, untamed and with a big chunk of hope thrown in for fun. 99% of resolutions fail. Not a good statistic, I know and there are great reasons for the high failure rate.

• New Year's Resolutions are TOO BIG to handle for one person even if you believe you have gobs of will power.
• TOO MANY to Handle! Really, you're gonna lose 50 lbs by February 1st, quit smoking, stop drinking and be a nicer person all in one go?
• The resolution is worded Passively and Negatively. Surprise! I want to quit smoking; I want to lose weight; I want to blah, blah, blah.

Turn your New Year's Resolutions into New Year's Accomplishments!

Follow these simple tips and you'll be on the path to celebrating your Accomplishments before you can say Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious backwards!!

• Chunk it Down and Add Some Fun. Take the time to reflect on the one change you will make this year - Will you quit smoking? Will you eat more fruit & veggies? Will you travel? Will you enjoy every day? Will you dance in the street weekly on Thursdays?
• Pick One, Only One. Now you're focused on one change that you will achieve in 2013. Smile! You have taken the first step on your journey to success.
• Start with small steps to success. Today I will include one healthy vegetable side dish with dinner

• Smile even when faced with a challenge and make it a great day
• Replace soda with water
• Lace up my running shoes and walk for 10 minutes

• Change your language to be pro-active and positive - state your change in "I will, I can and I am". Saying you "want" to do something is wishy-washy and opens the door to the million excuses you're going to give when you don't succeed

Small step changes are realistic and manageable. Write your Statement of Success. Celebrate your successes every day. Your result will be a happy, healthier life where you congratulate yourself for meaningful successes rather than berate yourself for failure.

Here is my statement of success for 2013!

I am a nature lover and I will plan my days off to include enjoying the natural environment while relaxing and reflecting on my personal and career successes. I will wake up every day, smile and look forward to a new day with a sense of curiosity and adventure.

Happy New Year!!

Susan

NLP Life Coaching - Awaken Your Potential

Your 3-Step Plan to Overcoming Limiting Beliefs

Now that you have identified your personal limiting beliefs (April 15th post), it's time to change them.  Think of your limiting beliefs as your subconscious blueprint and blueprints can be changed so they reflect what you really want! The first step is to understand what a limiting belief is and that it may not be true. Just say to yourself, "it's possible that I believe some things about myself and the world around me that are not true." Great!  You have successfully opened the door to let your new belief in. The second step is really important: Replace the old belief with a positive new one. If you want to create permanent behaviour change, you can't just get rid of the old mental pattern, you have to replace it with a completely new one that will take its place. You want to create a new path, create new tracks, otherwise the old one can come back. The final step is repetition and reinforcement through affirmation. The most powerful affirmations are worded to be immediate and personal.  Adding a phrase like 'quickly and easily' to the beginning or end of each affirmation helps to lift the pressure of having to 'make things happen.' My personal favourite affirmations are: Every Day in Every Way, I'm Getting Better and Better My monthly income exceeds my monthly expenses quickly and easily I repeat these 3 times every morning before I get out of bed to enjoy my day. The primary way to get a new pattern into the unconscious part of your mind is through reinforcement and repetition.  Positive affirmations work by reprogramming your thinking and beliefs.  The way to get effective results is with constant repetition.   Affirmations train your subconscious to believe that what you want is possible, attainable, and already happening. Words are your most powerful tool - they can bring pain or happiness, forgiveness or anger/hatred.  You generate your own emotions through your choice of words.  Make sure that the words you tell yourself are helping you follow your dreams and your heart. My Success Recommendation:  write down your goals with corresponding success beliefs in the form of affirmations  and just keep repeating them. . Choose your new belief and then plant the seed through positive affirmations.

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Are Your Limiting Beliefs Holding You Back?

You can tell what you believe by what you get.

-Alan Cohen

Limiting beliefs zap your energy and keep you stuck by telling you over and over again that you can't achieve your goals or that you're not worthy of acceptance and success.

The Top Ten Limiting Beliefs are:

1. I'm too selfish/loud/shy
2. I'm a bad.... (eg I'm a bad parent/friend/son)
3. I will never be successful
4. There is never enough money (or money doesn't grow on trees)
5. It's too late for me to.... (change my career etc)
6. I will never....(be successful, find love, travel etc)
7. I always disappoint people
8. I am not pretty/slim/clever enough
9. I'm not good enough/I don't deserve...(happiness success, wealth, love)
10. "I can't do it!"

Many limiting beliefs feel so normal that you don't even notice them. They are perceived as facts, rather than as mere beliefs that can be questioned and then changed. A 'belief' doesn't mean it's a fact - it's actually only your perception of the truth and this can be changed, with some work.

If you experience negative thoughts or feelings on a regular basis, or there are patterns in your life that you can't seem to figure out (bad relationships or continuous problems with money for example) it is VERY likely that you have a hidden limiting belief.

The life that you create is largely determined by your beliefs. Limiting beliefs hold you back from being the best that you can be and from being open to unlimited possibilities. Breaking Free of your Limiting Beliefs is the first step to personal transformation.

Look at the Top Ten Limiting Beliefs list. Do any of them sound familiar? If they do, jot them down and think about the ways they are negatively impacting your life - money, relationships, career, goals.

Watch for my next blog post where I'll give you the essential 3-step plan for Breaking Free of your Limiting Beliefs.

Practice Forgiveness

Forgiveness may not be your usual reaction when you make a mistake. How often are you your own worst critic - judging yourself unreasonably and beating yourself up when things go wrong? 

When you make a mistake, learn from it,

 forgive yourself, and move on.

Forgiving others is difficult, especially if they are the cause of a great hurt in your life. Yet not forgiving costs you so much when living with anger, blame, resentment and other negative feelings. They rob you of joy and peace of mind.

Forgiveness is defined as "ceasing to resent".

Forgiveness is an act of will. You can choose to forgive even if you don't feel like it. The act of forgiveness is the first step. The feeling may come later but by then it's less important as you have already moved on with your life.

If someone hurts you or takes advantage of you, do what you need to do to handle the situation, and take the necessary action to prevent it happening again. Then, forgive them and move on.

Self-Care Exercise

“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head” - Anne Landers

Forgiving yourself or another person for a past misdeed does not imply that you have forgotten what happened.  It simply means you have chosen to move forward with your life and live free of resentment, quilt or angst.

Forgiveness frees us to live our lives, pursue our dreams, look forward with joy to the future, and enjoy every moment of the present!

It's easier to forgive others when you practice forgiving yourself.

As you reflect on your life, what could you forgive yourself for?

When you have clarity on something that could be forgiven, say to yourself:

I forgive myself for ________________     Then let it go.

Is there someone you need to forgive? Say to yourself:

I choose to forgive ______________(name) and I forgive him/her for __________    Then let it go.

Notice the positive change in your feelings and emotions and outlook as you adopt forgiveness.

     Remember, forgiveness is a gift to yourself.

My Journey to Wellness

A few years ago I thought I had met the man of my dreams.  We would be married forever, grow old together and have a happy home with a white picket fence.  He treated me like a princess and bought me a house that I loved in a small town away from the big city.  When we moved into the house, he asked me to marry him and I said yes.  All was well until right after our wedding reception during our drive to our honeymoon destination.  That's when he said - "Now that you're my wife, you'll do as you're told, when you're told".  I thought he was joking but he wasn't and my life took a dramatic turn into physical and emotional abuse.


It lasted a few months and then I left.  I was shattered and through our court system was ordered to take mandatory "Victims of Violence" counselling sessions.  Okay.  I quickly learned that anything I did - good or bad - would be excused because I was after all a 'victim of violence'.  I lived my life knowing that everyone would have to understand my transgressions because I was a victim and that made it okay.


Fast forward to meeting someone who would have a profound and positive effect on my life.  She was a family friend, someone I hadn't seen in a long time.  A chance encounter in downtown Toronto led to a dinner together.  We chatted for a while and then I started to tell her my sad victim story - I wanted her to buy into my victim mentality and grant me the freedom to do what I wanted based on it.  


She wouldn't co-operate!  She kept saying:  "That's in the past"  "You survived and you're a survivor" "It's time to move forward"  "You are worthy of a great life"  "Have you forgiven him?" That question in particular shocked me and I thought she hadn't heard a word I said.  I kept trying to get her sympathy, get her to see it my way and over and over again she would keep asking me "What are you going to do with your life?"  I became infuriated and thought this old family friendship is over and decided I would not see her again.

But a surprising thing happened when I got home, I kept hearing her questions and the words she spoke and the smile on her face and I started to think yes, I am a survivor and yes, I do deserve to be happy and I do have lots to offer the world.  And I realized I wanted to speak with her again and I eagerly set up another dinner.  This time I was happy to ask questions and listen to the way she responded.  Each response encouraged me to develop a strong sense of self-worth and excitement about the rest of my life, what I would see, what I would do and how I would have a positive impact.


My friend was an NLP Life Coach and those meetings changed my life, my attitude, and set me on the journey of learning and becoming a life coach so that I would be able to help individuals find their way in life, let go of the past, live in the moment and create an exciting future.


In addition to my training, I bring my life's experience to my coaching practice and I love it when my client's have their epiphany just like me.  It's the big smile that gives it away every time!


Oh, I did forgive him and with that came freedom from the past.  Forgiveness is essential and I will talk about how the Simple Act of Forgiveness will positively impact your life and set you firmly in the present in my next post.


Make it a Great Day


Susan