actice
Forgiveness
Forgiving others is difficult, especially if they are the
cause of a great hurt in your life. Yet not forgiving costs you so much. Living
with anger, blame, resentment and other negative feelings robs you of joy and
peace of mind.
Forgiveness is
defined as "ceasing to resent"
Forgiveness Objections:
1. "The other person doesn't deserve forgiveness." Perhaps not. But forgiveness is not for him, it's for you. Forgiveness is so that you don't have to continue to be burdened by angry feelings, preoccupied with obsessive thoughts about revenge, etc.
2. "I need to get even
first." What would getting even do for you? Often people say
that they feel personally diminished by the harm that was done to them, and that
getting even would help them feel powerful and good about themselves again. I
want you to feel powerful and good about yourself, and I'd like to offer you
other ways of doing this. When you forgive, you to learn how to cope
effectively with possible repetitions of this kind of behaviour, so that you
feel safe and strong in knowing what you can do to prevent a
recurrence.
3. "Anger makes me feel powerful;
I don't want to give it up." Yes, there is a certain feeling of
power in feeling angry, in being courageous and willing to stand up for yourself
and your values. But you remain preoccupied with thoughts of the person who
harmed you. Forgiveness will offer you more choices, so that you can be the one
in control of your feelings and behaviour, and stand up for yourself even more
powerfully.
4. "I refuse to forgive and
forget." I agree with you completely. I don't want you to
forgive and forget. If you forgot, then you'd be completely vulnerable to a
repetition of the harm that was done to you. I want you to forgive and
remember. I want you to remember so that you are protected against possible
recurrences, and to remember in a way that provides you with feelings of
strength, choice, and resourcefulness, instead of being simply provoked into
anger.
One ex-prisoner of war
asked another, "Have you forgiven your captors yet?" The second one replied,
"NO, NEVER!" And the other one turned and said, "Then it seems like they still
have you in prison, don't they?"
Remember, forgiveness is a gift
to yourself.
"Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head" -Anne Landers
Do any of these "objections" sound familiar? Realize that when you are holding onto resentment, anger, and hate, you have less room to let in kindness, happiness, and love.
Feeling
Stuck?
Connect with me to discover how Life Coaching works to
get you "unstuck" and living the life you choose.Spring
Renewal
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Book your session before April 30 and receive your discount.
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