Tuesday Truth or Dare: It's a Should Thing

Truth:  Should is one of the dirtiest words in the English language.  It's only outcome is making you feel horrible about yourself, your abilities, your intentions, what you chose to wear today!  Oh, and shouldn't is equally as bad.  Must and mustn't or the older version - ought and oughtn't are the same. So don't even think about changing should for a must or ought!

Shoulding all over yourself creates a negative mindset.  Period. When you think you should do something or other, your immediate emotions are guilt and anxiety because you're not doing what you think you "should" be doing.

Dare:  Listen to your shoulds and shouldn'ts.  Write them down and change should for want or will or can.  For example, if you are shoulding about losing a few pounds, or quitting smoking, or having lunch with someone you really don't like, then change your words to:

I want to or will lose 5 pounds by the end of the month

I will cut down from 20 cigs a day to 5 by the end of the month

I will call her and we'll meet for a nice breakfast

7 day Challenge: 

Commit to listening for your shoulds and shouldn'ts!  

When you hear yourself shoulding, immediately change to a positive action word - want, will, or can!  

GRACE-ful Steps: Time to Release & Let it Go

Last week I wrote about the Gratitude - the first GRACE-ful step to reclaiming your big, bold life.  Now that you have added gratitude to your daily life, you're ready to move on to GRACE-ful Step 2 - Release - Let it Go!

I bet you're holding on to all kinds of negative junk.  The junk you're holding on to is cluttering your mind and your path forward.  Yeah, that's the truth!

The things you hold on to, bear grudges or perhaps feel angry and hurt about cloud your mind and prevent you from being the best you can be.

They are baggage.  Heavy, overloaded baggage.  The kind you would pay extra for when you travel.  And the kind you are paying a hefty price for right now!

You’re so much more than 

your old baggage.

It’s time to let it go.

You want to free yourself from your baggage and get on with living.  I know this from personal experience.

I was holding on to junk that had been handed to me during a violent relationship.

I had bags containing anger - at him, at me, at people who should have rescued me.

I had bags containing guilt - my children saw some of the bad stuff, my family kinda warned me and I didn't listen and these bags led to new bags filled with:  AnGer!

And so the spiral went and I truly believed this would be my state of mind for the rest of my life.  I was a victim and victims are angry and depressed and guilty. Aren't they?

The things you hold onto, bear grudges or perhaps feel angry and hurt about cloud your mind and prevent you from being the best you can be.

You don't need to know HOW to let go, 

you just need to be WILLING.

Action Steps & Worksheet:

Releasing & Letting Go begins with 2 questions:

What Do I Need to Let Go Of?

How Do I Benefit From Holding On?

Create a list of what you need to let go of and right beside each one, write down the reason you're holding on to that emotion, feeling, person, situation.

Be brutally honest with your Reason!  Releasing and Letting Go will only happen when you're honest about your motivation for holding on.

The reason will be your aha moment!  It will provide you with insight into your "why" and that's the moment you will begin to Let it Go!

Deep Breath  -  Let it Go  -  Smile  -  Repeat 

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What Time is It? Time for a Treat

When was the last time you treated yourself?

I'm not talking about expensive spa days or lavish vacations. They're good too but I want you to think of small, daily treats that you can have just for you.

Small treats or simple indulgences will nurture your well-being.  They will lift your spirits, refresh you, and restore a sense of balance in your life.

Schedule "Treat Time".  Get in the habit of scheduling your treat time - it is critical to your well being!

Treats are fabulous for setting and achieving your goals.  Set a goal and set your reward when you accomplish it.  A mini-celebration of you and what you've accomplished!

Remember, it's a treat from your perspective, not anyone else's.

Treat Yourself Self-Care

• Add small treats and simple indulgences to your daily life
• What is something that would be deliciously indulgent for you?
• When will you treat yourself?
• Mark time for treats - "TM" Treat Myself - in your calendar

And Remember Treats come in all sizes and price ranges!

Some Treat Yumminess to get you started

• Spend time with a friend chatting over a slow cup of tea
• Go for a hike - city or country - wander and take in the sites and sounds
• Take a long, hot bath with bubbles up to your neck
• Stop, sit on a bench and watch the world go by and smile
• Sit down in silence and read a book
• Have a decadent nap
• Buy fresh flowers for your home or office
• Give to charity or a friend
• Eat chocolate 

Add your own wonderful, delicious treats to the list.

About Susan Ball:  Susan inspires her clients to live the life of their dreams with passion, joy, and love. Susan is an experienced international Life Coach helping people discover and live their ideal life through NLP, Mindfulness, and G.R.A.C.E.

Learn more about Susan by visiting her Online, on Facebook

When Are You Going to Lose That Dead Part...

So You Can Really Live!

When you read this story, you will want to Lose Your Dead Part and

Start Living!

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It's Okay to Say "NO"

It's not always easy to say "no" to requests, especially when doing so leaves you feeling guilty or feeling you should have said "yes". You may also believe that there are some family situations where "no" is not an option.

Yet to balance self-care it's essential to give yourself the freedom to say "no" to requests that do not serve you. Family responsibilities have their place but too often they become misplaced – running your life at the expense of your own health and well-being.

Saying "no" takes courage and practice.

A simple way to give you time to consider a request is by having a response ready when a request is made, such as:

"I need to check my other commitments."

"I need to check to see if it interferes with plans (my spouse and) I have made."

Alternatively, if you are willing to participate to some degree, counter-offer:

"No, I can’t commit to _______ but I can do __________ (counter-offer)."

If you are clear that the answer is "no" say so:
"Thank you for thinking of me, but no, not at this time."

  Self-Care Exercise

Create a variety of ready responses to requests that have happened in the past or you’re sure will happen soon.  Practice, Practice, Practice!!!  When a request is made, choose a “ready response” – and feel confident when delivering your response.

When you reflect on a request, ask yourself:

• Will this request serve me?
• Will it contribute to me and my life?
• Is my inner-wisdom or gut feeling a "yes" or a "no"?

If you answer "no" to the above questions, honour your inner guidance and say "no" to the request. If you wish, make a suggestion on who might be available to do the job instead.

You will know you are Living Authentically when you can say "no" 

without feeling guilty!

You can do it - Say No