Practice Forgiveness

Forgiveness may not be your usual reaction when you make a mistake. How often are you your own worst critic - judging yourself unreasonably and beating yourself up when things go wrong? 

When you make a mistake, learn from it,

 forgive yourself, and move on.

Forgiving others is difficult, especially if they are the cause of a great hurt in your life. Yet not forgiving costs you so much when living with anger, blame, resentment and other negative feelings. They rob you of joy and peace of mind.

Forgiveness is defined as "ceasing to resent".

Forgiveness is an act of will. You can choose to forgive even if you don't feel like it. The act of forgiveness is the first step. The feeling may come later but by then it's less important as you have already moved on with your life.

If someone hurts you or takes advantage of you, do what you need to do to handle the situation, and take the necessary action to prevent it happening again. Then, forgive them and move on.

Self-Care Exercise

“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head” - Anne Landers

Forgiving yourself or another person for a past misdeed does not imply that you have forgotten what happened.  It simply means you have chosen to move forward with your life and live free of resentment, quilt or angst.

Forgiveness frees us to live our lives, pursue our dreams, look forward with joy to the future, and enjoy every moment of the present!

It's easier to forgive others when you practice forgiving yourself.

As you reflect on your life, what could you forgive yourself for?

When you have clarity on something that could be forgiven, say to yourself:

I forgive myself for ________________     Then let it go.

Is there someone you need to forgive? Say to yourself:

I choose to forgive ______________(name) and I forgive him/her for __________    Then let it go.

Notice the positive change in your feelings and emotions and outlook as you adopt forgiveness.

     Remember, forgiveness is a gift to yourself.

My Journey to Wellness

A few years ago I thought I had met the man of my dreams.  We would be married forever, grow old together and have a happy home with a white picket fence.  He treated me like a princess and bought me a house that I loved in a small town away from the big city.  When we moved into the house, he asked me to marry him and I said yes.  All was well until right after our wedding reception during our drive to our honeymoon destination.  That's when he said - "Now that you're my wife, you'll do as you're told, when you're told".  I thought he was joking but he wasn't and my life took a dramatic turn into physical and emotional abuse.


It lasted a few months and then I left.  I was shattered and through our court system was ordered to take mandatory "Victims of Violence" counselling sessions.  Okay.  I quickly learned that anything I did - good or bad - would be excused because I was after all a 'victim of violence'.  I lived my life knowing that everyone would have to understand my transgressions because I was a victim and that made it okay.


Fast forward to meeting someone who would have a profound and positive effect on my life.  She was a family friend, someone I hadn't seen in a long time.  A chance encounter in downtown Toronto led to a dinner together.  We chatted for a while and then I started to tell her my sad victim story - I wanted her to buy into my victim mentality and grant me the freedom to do what I wanted based on it.  


She wouldn't co-operate!  She kept saying:  "That's in the past"  "You survived and you're a survivor" "It's time to move forward"  "You are worthy of a great life"  "Have you forgiven him?" That question in particular shocked me and I thought she hadn't heard a word I said.  I kept trying to get her sympathy, get her to see it my way and over and over again she would keep asking me "What are you going to do with your life?"  I became infuriated and thought this old family friendship is over and decided I would not see her again.

But a surprising thing happened when I got home, I kept hearing her questions and the words she spoke and the smile on her face and I started to think yes, I am a survivor and yes, I do deserve to be happy and I do have lots to offer the world.  And I realized I wanted to speak with her again and I eagerly set up another dinner.  This time I was happy to ask questions and listen to the way she responded.  Each response encouraged me to develop a strong sense of self-worth and excitement about the rest of my life, what I would see, what I would do and how I would have a positive impact.


My friend was an NLP Life Coach and those meetings changed my life, my attitude, and set me on the journey of learning and becoming a life coach so that I would be able to help individuals find their way in life, let go of the past, live in the moment and create an exciting future.


In addition to my training, I bring my life's experience to my coaching practice and I love it when my client's have their epiphany just like me.  It's the big smile that gives it away every time!


Oh, I did forgive him and with that came freedom from the past.  Forgiveness is essential and I will talk about how the Simple Act of Forgiveness will positively impact your life and set you firmly in the present in my next post.


Make it a Great Day


Susan

Helping Others

Make it a Great Day

It's morning and you wake to the smell of fresh coffee, birds singing, and think to yourself this is going to be a great day! I'm going to do this and accomplish that and enjoy my day. All smiles you start your amazing day.

It is easy to wake up and look forward to your day and start off on a positive note and then all of a sudden something happens and your positive attitude starts to show negative edges....the first sign that you are about to sabotage your Great Day.

You start thinking "It's Going to be One of Those Days". That statement constructs your own self-fulfilling prophecy and you will find tons of evidence to support your newly constructed fable of a bad day. Someone will hold you up in traffic - see, I told you it's one of those days! Or, your boss will call you and want you to come to her office - yikes! - one more layer to your one of those days fable. Can you see the pattern of supposed negative events that you are setting in motion to sabotage your day?

Other examples of negative thoughts becoming your personal truth and affecting your happiness - no one likes me - I'm sure he/she is having an affair. If you believe either of these statements to be absolutely true, you will stack up all sorts of pre-conceived, mythological evidence to prove it!

The Solution is Within You

Next time you find yourself stacking up all the evidence to support your It's Going to be One of Those Days fable, stop, and see the positive alternative:

Perfect! While I'm stuck in traffic I can listen to great music!

{Smile} She wants to compliment me on the report I finished last week.

What new challenges will be given to me today?

Every bullet point of proof, every negative nuance that you add to your personal fable erodes your happiness, peace of mind, relationships and negatively impacts your Great Day!

It's your Great Day and yours alone. Keep it by being positive and looking at what is possible as opposed to what is not.

You are in charge of your mind, therefore your results!