Cellphones, Email and Your Not-So-Well-being

In our age of technology, there are very few places where you can go and not see someone on the phone either texting or talking, studying their tablet, or checking their e-mail.  It is overwhelming for me to watch 90% of the population completely controlled by their electronic devices. 

It got me reminiscing about the "olden days".  I remembered how exciting it was when the phone rang and   you picked it up in anticipation of who was on the other end.  You were going to engage in a real conversation with a real person!  The phone could bring great news and feelings - a new job, a date, your mom's voice, a good friend.  It was there when you needed someone special to talk to and all you had to do was dial a seven-digit number and voila! a conversation was in the making.  There was no caller ID or voicemail, you either picked it up or you didn't.  Of course, when you didn't you wondered if you had missed the call of a lifetime!

The phone was magical and it allowed families and friends to communicate across the miles making separation from each other easier.   It brought news, good and bad and could be banged down when you were angry or disappointed.  The banging down of a phone receiver was cathartic.

The amazing thing about the phones of the good old days was You Would Leave Them at Home When You Left.  You went out to meet people and enjoyed face-to-face interactions.  You had a good time and there was no beeping, ringing and vibrating interruptions.  When you wanted to check in with your parents, spouse or babysitter, you walked to a payphone and dialed.  You spoke with the interested person, hung-up and went back to your socializing. 

When you went for a hike, or to the cottage, or on a vacation, you left your phone at home and you enjoyed new sights, relaxing in a natural setting, joining in with groups to discover new adventures.  You were free from attachment and free to explore without interruptions.  The best kind of exploration.  Healthy, encouraging, inspirational, natural, social behaviour is becoming a lost art and it is discouraging.

I have been in meetings and social environments where live conversation is interrupted by beeps and vibrations.  Inevitably, someone says, "Oh, Sorry, I HAVE to take this!".  Really?!?  Have to?  or Want to?  What would happen if you didn't answer your cellphone immediately?  What would happen if you left it at home for an enjoyable evening out?  What would happen if you gave 100% of your attention to the live conversation that is taking place?  

What is so life-altering that it is critically important that you relentlessly engage with an inanimate object - your phone?

Shut it down for a day.  Get out and talk face-to-face, take a walk in the woods free from your phone, play with your children and focus on them only.  

When you do this once, you will do it over and over because you will discover that the caller can leave a message, the text can be answered later, and the email, well, it could actually be left for a few days.  

You will discover a new style of freedom and happiness and it is worth leaving the phone at home!

Confidence Boosting

Confidence is a tool you can use in your everyday life to do all kinds of cool stuff, not least to stop second-guessing yourself, manage your fears and become able to do more of the things that really matter to you.  But not many people realize that their self-confidence works just like  muscle - it grows in response to the level of performance required of it.  Either you use it or you lose it. 

Confidence Boosting Tips:

Write a list of the things you’re tolerating and putting up with in your life, then write down how you can remove, minimize or diminish each one.  

Get crystal clear on the things that truly matter to you. 

If they’re not in your life, you need to bring them in

Stop playing different roles and squeezing yourself into boxes based on what you think people expect you to act like.

Learn to catch yourself every single time you tell yourself that you can’t have, won’t get or aren't good enough to get what you want.

Take yourself off auto-pilot – make deliberate decisions on what really matters to you.

You've got a whole bunch of out-dated rules that determine what you do, don’t do, should do and shouldn't do.  These rules limit your thinking and limit your behaviour.  Tear up your rule book and notice how free you are to make great decisions.

When you feel like stamping your foot and yelling “I deserve better than this!”, take a step back and say 

“I can BE better than this.”

Take a chance on something tomorrow.  

Anything, big or small, just take a chance.

You need to be around people who make you feel like YOU, so spend more time with the people who support and encourage you and less with those who undermine you.

Keep comparing yourself to others?  Stop it

You’re just fantastic as you are

If there’s something you've been struggling to understand for a while, stop trying to understand it.  Accept it just as it is, fully and wholly.

Don’t say “Yes” to taking on a task simply because you don’t want to rock the boat – you can politely decline requests you can’t meet and don’t need to create an excuse for it.

Still beating yourself up for failing or screwing up? It might not be a barrel of laughs but it’s not going to help you get through it.  Much better to recognize that everything, whether it turns out or not, is how you practice living a rich life

*****

Do one thing each day that makes you smile

Do it Differently - Choose & Want It!

That's How Happy People Do It!

When was the last time you did something different?  Oh, it could be anything like a new route to work or watching a movie outside your comfort zone or joining a group to discuss books, politics, current events or wellness.

What stops you?  

Age?  Inspiration?  Confidence?  Family?  Time?   Money?   These are the common excuses used when I ask this question.  I'm sure you're familiar with all of them.

What if I told you the real reason that you have stopped doing it different, is an over-abundance of "shoulds" and "oughts" and "musts" in your everyday thoughts and language.

Let's start with Should and Ought and Must - my least favourite words and the first ones I get my clients to abandon.  Yup, I want should and ought and must left in the rain in an alley somewhere - gone, forgotten, abandoned!  

When you use the word "should", your body language actually changes - your shoulders hunch forward and you slouch.  Slouching closes off your breathing and as a result you start a pattern of shallow breathing instead of healthy deep breathing. 

Next comes that uneasy feeling - stress, anxiety, and guilt.  And the final feeling is one of resentment when you do complete the "should" or "ought"  or "must" task.

That's a lot of negative pattern behaviour because of three little over-used words.  You know a negative mood swing is about to hit you when you hear the words "should" or "shouldn't", "must" or "mustn't", "ought" or "ought not".  

These patterns of speech and our negative reactions go back to some authoritarian figure, a parent, a teacher, a neighbour, or a respected elder.  How many times did you hear "You should be doing your homework" and did you jump up off the couch with a smile on your face and go do your homework?  No, you slouched off the couch, probably put up a bit of an argument, and then went to your room, shut the door and maybe did your homework = Stress, Anxiety, Guilt and Resentment!

When you hear yourself using should, ought or must, challenge yourself by asking these easy questions:

What other choices do I have?  What would happen if I didn’t do it?

Or these questions for "shouldn't":

If you say, for example, "I shouldn't spend money on this", ask, Why shouldn't I spend money on this?  What would happen if I did?  What would happen if I didn't? 

Once you've answered the questions, you will know whether you "want" to complete the task, favour, or purchase and you will feel satisfied and happy with your decision.

When Should, Must and Ought shift to Want and Choose, you will feel that you have made the decision that you want to make and move forward towards completing the task in a light and positive manner.  And when that happens, you will feel so much better!  MOST IMPORTANT – if you choose do perform the should request you are now doing because you want to and from a position of power

Choose to it Differently by Questioning Should and Answering with Want!

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