Do it Differently - Choose & Want It!

That's How Happy People Do It!

When was the last time you did something different?  Oh, it could be anything like a new route to work or watching a movie outside your comfort zone or joining a group to discuss books, politics, current events or wellness.

What stops you?  

Age?  Inspiration?  Confidence?  Family?  Time?   Money?   These are the common excuses used when I ask this question.  I'm sure you're familiar with all of them.

What if I told you the real reason that you have stopped doing it different, is an over-abundance of "shoulds" and "oughts" and "musts" in your everyday thoughts and language.

Let's start with Should and Ought and Must - my least favourite words and the first ones I get my clients to abandon.  Yup, I want should and ought and must left in the rain in an alley somewhere - gone, forgotten, abandoned!  

When you use the word "should", your body language actually changes - your shoulders hunch forward and you slouch.  Slouching closes off your breathing and as a result you start a pattern of shallow breathing instead of healthy deep breathing. 

Next comes that uneasy feeling - stress, anxiety, and guilt.  And the final feeling is one of resentment when you do complete the "should" or "ought"  or "must" task.

That's a lot of negative pattern behaviour because of three little over-used words.  You know a negative mood swing is about to hit you when you hear the words "should" or "shouldn't", "must" or "mustn't", "ought" or "ought not".  

These patterns of speech and our negative reactions go back to some authoritarian figure, a parent, a teacher, a neighbour, or a respected elder.  How many times did you hear "You should be doing your homework" and did you jump up off the couch with a smile on your face and go do your homework?  No, you slouched off the couch, probably put up a bit of an argument, and then went to your room, shut the door and maybe did your homework = Stress, Anxiety, Guilt and Resentment!

When you hear yourself using should, ought or must, challenge yourself by asking these easy questions:

What other choices do I have?  What would happen if I didn’t do it?

Or these questions for "shouldn't":

If you say, for example, "I shouldn't spend money on this", ask, Why shouldn't I spend money on this?  What would happen if I did?  What would happen if I didn't? 

Once you've answered the questions, you will know whether you "want" to complete the task, favour, or purchase and you will feel satisfied and happy with your decision.

When Should, Must and Ought shift to Want and Choose, you will feel that you have made the decision that you want to make and move forward towards completing the task in a light and positive manner.  And when that happens, you will feel so much better!  MOST IMPORTANT – if you choose do perform the should request you are now doing because you want to and from a position of power

Choose to it Differently by Questioning Should and Answering with Want!

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