Do it Differently - Choose & Want It!

That's How Happy People Do It!

When was the last time you did something different?  Oh, it could be anything like a new route to work or watching a movie outside your comfort zone or joining a group to discuss books, politics, current events or wellness.

What stops you?  

Age?  Inspiration?  Confidence?  Family?  Time?   Money?   These are the common excuses used when I ask this question.  I'm sure you're familiar with all of them.

What if I told you the real reason that you have stopped doing it different, is an over-abundance of "shoulds" and "oughts" and "musts" in your everyday thoughts and language.

Let's start with Should and Ought and Must - my least favourite words and the first ones I get my clients to abandon.  Yup, I want should and ought and must left in the rain in an alley somewhere - gone, forgotten, abandoned!  

When you use the word "should", your body language actually changes - your shoulders hunch forward and you slouch.  Slouching closes off your breathing and as a result you start a pattern of shallow breathing instead of healthy deep breathing. 

Next comes that uneasy feeling - stress, anxiety, and guilt.  And the final feeling is one of resentment when you do complete the "should" or "ought"  or "must" task.

That's a lot of negative pattern behaviour because of three little over-used words.  You know a negative mood swing is about to hit you when you hear the words "should" or "shouldn't", "must" or "mustn't", "ought" or "ought not".  

These patterns of speech and our negative reactions go back to some authoritarian figure, a parent, a teacher, a neighbour, or a respected elder.  How many times did you hear "You should be doing your homework" and did you jump up off the couch with a smile on your face and go do your homework?  No, you slouched off the couch, probably put up a bit of an argument, and then went to your room, shut the door and maybe did your homework = Stress, Anxiety, Guilt and Resentment!

When you hear yourself using should, ought or must, challenge yourself by asking these easy questions:

What other choices do I have?  What would happen if I didn’t do it?

Or these questions for "shouldn't":

If you say, for example, "I shouldn't spend money on this", ask, Why shouldn't I spend money on this?  What would happen if I did?  What would happen if I didn't? 

Once you've answered the questions, you will know whether you "want" to complete the task, favour, or purchase and you will feel satisfied and happy with your decision.

When Should, Must and Ought shift to Want and Choose, you will feel that you have made the decision that you want to make and move forward towards completing the task in a light and positive manner.  And when that happens, you will feel so much better!  MOST IMPORTANT – if you choose do perform the should request you are now doing because you want to and from a position of power

Choose to it Differently by Questioning Should and Answering with Want!

Visit Susan Ball, NLP Life and Business Coach and book

your 30 minute Free Consultation!

F.L.Y.

First Love Yourself!

You are the most important person in your life.  Think about - who's the only one guaranteed to be with you from the beginning to the end?

It's February the month of Love and I haven't seen any cards that say:  "To Me, I Love You!!"  "Hey You, You're Fabulous, Love Me xox" 

Wouldn't it be great if we made our own "I Love You" cards.  It could be done once a year or every month or every day.  You would use all your amazing creative talent and write your own love letter to yourself  and then take pride in your accomplishment. 

I wanted to add a note of levity to what is in fact a sometimes difficult journey - the path to loving and appreciating you for you will be bumpy and steep and so worth it when you reach your destination.

Follow these Simple Daily Practices to Begin Your Journey

Forgive yourself for past misdeeds.  There is no way to go back and change what you did or what you said.  Carrying it around like a ball and chain is a waste of valuable "you in the present moment" time.

Do Something Every Single Day that Makes YOU Feel Good!

Each Day, throughout the day, say to yourself silently or out loud:

"I love and accept myself exactly as I am."

When you hear critical self-talk and thoughts, silently shout "STOP" and then replace them with words of appreciation for yourself.

Use "I Am", "I Can" and "I Will" to describe yourself, your actions and your dreams.

Practice laughing at you when you make a mistake!

Click Self-Care Resources for more helpful exercises and tips!

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Welcome to winter in Canada.  We are experiencing a blast of arctic air that is set to stay with us for the next 10 days!  I may be proudly Canadian but these cold blasts can be miserable!

That being said, the cold snap got me thinking about my goals for the future.  Oh, I have several and I'm a firm believer in setting goals for your life, career, business, relationships and health.  Small goals that are easy to achieve and celebrate are my favourites.  Each day I celebrate a goal that I successfully completed.

Larger goals are wonderful but if you forget to create an action plan to achieve your big dream type goal you will begin to feel discouraged.  This may lead to giving up on your dreamy goal.

Today, I was looking out my picture window and I started to daydream and a new dreamy goal came to my mind.  My new goal - Every Winter I Will Spend a Minimum of 3-Weeks in a Hot, Hot, Tropical Climate.  Fabulous goal and I want it to be successful so I set about creating an action plan.  I will be in Costa Rica or other tropical paradise from January 22, 2014 to February 15, 2014....period.

My action plan created the steps I want to take to make my goal a reality.  First, finances - how much will I want?  I divided that amount by 52.  So much easier to look at dollar values when they are small and it makes it doable!

Second, what do I want to change in my business to ensure the extra funds are available.  I set about writing action steps to increase my income.

Third, hubby.  Okay, he pretty much loves whatever I plan so I'm good there.

Done!!  I set a goal and developed the action steps to make it a reality.  As a bonus, I created new and fantastic action steps to grow my business.

The benefits of Goal Setting and Creating an Action Plan are enormous.

So, get out your pen and paper, start daydreaming, jot down notes.  Dream big and choose one to make a reality.  You will have a new sense of accomplishment, confidence and an event in your future to look forward to.  How great is that!